in relationships

10 things I have learned in the past five years of fatherhood

One of the most vivid images that come to mind as I think about Fatherhood is the reception I get every evening when I get home.  As I turn the key in the door, I hear little screaming voices and the thumping of little feet as my two little girls run around the house to celebrate my return.  Some evenings, they run right up to my legs and hug them feverishly in absolute delight.  On other days, they decide to ‘surprise’ me, so what I hear as I am turning the key is ‘Daddy’s here, HIDE!!’

So of course, I play along and pretend I don’t know where they are, then feign ‘surprise’ when they jump out and proceed to hug my legs.

The delight and joy is so genuine and unforced that regardless of what kind of day I have had, they manage to put a big smile on my face and bring my spirits up.  There are few places that this type of unconditional love and adoration can be found and as a father, I don’t take it lightly.

10 Things (out of possibly a million) I have learned in the past five years of fatherhood:

  1. Raising my voice does not necessarily mean I will get the desired result; sometimes, I have to deal with a problem through negotiation and active listening because this will lead to more long-term change when I address the root cause
  2. Raising my voice is sometimes the right thing to do (when used sparingly); the puncuation of raising my voice gets immediate attention, which is important it two types of situations: when my daughters may be endagering themselves and when it is clear the root cause of the issue is pure disobedience for the sake of disobedience
  3. Little girls find running a much more efficient way of getting around than walking … regardless of how many times you tell them to walk … maybe they are right
  4. A well timed hug of affirmation speaks volumes and will melt even the hardest of attitudes
  5. Routines are very important to young kids because they provide a safe environment for them to figure out how the world works: for example, if you usually tell a two-year old to say EEEE when you are brushing her teeth, if you don’t say EEEE, she will insist that you ‘DO EEEE!!’ before she considers her teeth clean!
  6. Kids are much more perceptive than you might imagine and they take in every little detail … they even notice when you have been home for 10 minutes and haven’t hugged your wife yet!
  7. When a little girl loses her two front teeth, that is the most beautiful smile in the world
  8. Some words we take for granted are really hard to explain to a five year old!
  9. It is very important for clothes to match … you can’t get away with ‘sort of match’
  10. Little girls brighten up in a magical way when you tell them they are pretty; this becomes a virtuous cycle because you will get addicted to that response and tell it to them as often as you can so you can see them brighten up … I think God designed it this way

The Most Significant Change

Perhaps the most significant change in my life that has come from being a father is that I have to think in terms of legacy … what I do today impacts what my little girls will be able to do tomorrow.  There is no way to get around this and I have seen plenty of examples where there is a ‘Fatherhood void’ and the struggles that come with that.  The gravity of this responsibility is very humbling and impacts almost everything I do on a daily basis.

When I feel those tight hugs on my legs when I come home in the evenings there is a joy that wells up in me and a little voice that reminds me:  ‘This is why you do what you do …’